I’m like, pretty much a genius November 23, 2009

Last week I had to do an oral exam for my German class as part of my final. In it we had to sit down with an unknown professor, read over a text then have several conversations and a roleplay with them for about 20 minutes, without once slipping out of German naturally.

To say that I was intimated at the prospect of this is an understatement, I was scared shitless, and I let this extreme anxiety get the best of me for about a week beforehand. When the day finally came for my exam, after plenty of studying and preparing I nervously sat down to eat lunch before I went up. That morning however, not really thinking about the day’s events, I packed up leftovers as my lunch. Those leftovers however may have been the worst possible thing a person could eat before doing something nerve-wracking: sauerkraut and sausage.

I’m totally serious, it wasn’t even until I had been nervously scarfing this down for a few moments before it occurred to me that I am eating not only the world’s smelliest food, but it’s also very heavy and may make me gassy.

And to wash this sensible meal down with? I chose a mochachino, because when you’re already anxious you should totally load up on what is essentially a sugar laden hot chocolate with espresso in it, that will calm you down for sure.

Needless to say I was literally shaking for the first five minutes of the oral exam, all the while trying to not get too close so he wouldn’t smell what had to be the worst breath imaginable. Sauerkraut and coffee before an important meeting? Of course, what else would you possible eat? Sign me up for MENSA today!

It finally happend November 23, 2009

Yesterday while John and I were making a fantastic bloody mary brunch together I felt this insane sense of comfort and happiness, and I said something that after 25 years of life I was starting to think I would never actually utter. He was making the waffles, and I was making the eggs, and then I suddenly realized that he makes me so happy just doing the mundane, and we make such a perfect team when we work together, that he is the only person I could ever make a life with. So I paused, smiled at him, and said plainly “I would have kids with you.”. I suddenly understood that to have kids you don’t need a husband, but rather a teammate, and for the first time in my life I finally felt that I could one day do it, so long as I had him by my side.

 Gross, I know, I apologize deeply for the girliness, but this is literally the first time than I have envisioned having children without a feeling of nausea immediately following. This is a big step for me.

You want to do what to my what?!? November 23, 2009

I always enjoy noting the bizarre phrases and searches that randomly bring strangers to my little bog, but sometimes they just get weird. Case in point: yesterday someone was directed here when they were in search of some good old-fashioned “vagina kicking”.

Seriously.

Now, while I do in fact have quite they tendency to write about subjects that society normally deems to be ‘rauncy’, ‘vulgar’ and generally uncouth, I scarcely remember writing about vagina kicking, um… ever. Perhaps the overall subject matter is bringing in readers who are clearly not finding what they’re looking for on this page. So to them I apologize, we’re fresh out of vaginal trauma here.

I *may* have gotten my neighbor evicted November 21, 2009

I have hated my next door neighbor with a fiery passion since I moved in a year and a half ago. Within the first week of moving in I ended up calling the cops on a domestic violence charge. Now I realize that she was most likely beating up her boyfriend, not the other way around. Since that incident things were always really awkward between us, and I can’t say that we ever connected.

I spent the remainder of the year thinking of ways to kill her dog without being too obvious. She would just leave her Pomeranian on the back porch and the annoying little fucker would yap incessantly for hours. It would bark while we tried to talk, while we tried to eat dinner, while we tried not to kill something, unfortunately the last objective was extra hard because it would never shut the hell up! Needless to say we began to dislike the neighbor more and more. She would let the dogs poop on the back patio without cleaning it up so it would reek outside. By this summer we truly hated her.

About a month ago I started noticing that I wasn’t seeing her, her car, or the random mass of children that would congregate around her door. (To this day I still have no idea what the woman actually did for a living. Child care perhaps? Whatever it was I never saw her dressed in much more than a small house dress or a vastly oversized T-shirt covering her 300+ pound body) What I did notice is that there was no more barking in the back all day long, what there was however was a constant barking inside. So no people going in or out, just the dog inside. By the time that this all occurred to me to be really strange I decided to go tell the rental office about it, because while I did in fact hate that stupid little dog with a deep passion, I’m not going to let some piece of trash let it die inside an abandoned townhouse. So like any mature adult I told on her, and within a day and a half she was back at the house packing up, screaming loudly at all of her kids the whole time (best way to wake up ever!). Since then she was gone, dog too, but now the complex put up an eviction notice, meaning that she probably didn’t leave on solid terms. So tell me, is this my fault? Did I actually have a huge part in getting this woman evicted, or is it probably just coincidence?

John thinks that she now has a shrine dedicate to my demise, I don’t know about a shrine, but I’m pretty sure that there’s a redhead voodoo doll with a good resemblance to me out there now.

for boredom’s sake November 7, 2009

Thanks to hautepocket for this one.  Me as a Madmen character, possibly the best thing ever.

Love it!

And then… it was wonderful October 31, 2009

Mere hours ago I wrote the biggest check of my life, nearly hyperventilating the whole time, and drove off gleefully with a gorgeous little black sports car.

This whole crazy debacle has been in the works for the past two weeks, sending me into nervous fits the whole time; the amount of stress that I put on myself for no reason almost reaches the point of insanity sometimes. But through the hours spent searching, and driving, and crying, and waiting impatiently, this Saturday finally came just when I thought it never would. After learning of the inheritance, which would add to the amount that I had already saved as a down payment on the car, the whole process of mailing and transferring multiple checks across state lines took seemingly forever, though in reality it was actually just over a week. I’m pretty sure I have some nasty control issues that I may need to work out.

In the end, through self-induced panic attacks and rabid insecurity, I got it, I got my Crossfire, and it is beautiful! It’s jet black with silver accents, fully loaded, and such a blast to drive I can’t even describe it. I’ve never owned a car like this, I’ve never owned anything like this, and I can honestly say that I already love it more than anything else that I have ever had. I even love it more than my iPhone, which is shocking, but at the cost of about 35 iPhones I certainly hope that my adoration would shift accordingly. **

I’ve been trying to justify this purchase for months now, usually being met with massive resistance on every front. I know that John still isn’t happy with the whole situation, apparently I’m “irresponsible” and it’s “unrealistic”. Whatever that means. But against his opinions and general common sense, I bought it anyway, praying that I don’t prove him right. My only reasoning for why I won’t is really just my gut. You see, (and this may sound deluded and crazy) whenever I really want something, I mean really want it, I find a way to make it happen, and I have no plan B.

I knew that I was meant to be with John, and there was no other option, so I made it happen, risking a friendship and permanent psychological damage. I knew that I was going to go to OSU, without a doubt, so I didn’t even apply to any other schools. I know that I’m going to get into the Journalism School at OSU, so I have no back up, I just know. It sounds insane, but when you know it’s right, it’s right. And with this car, from the first time that I ever saw one I knew that I was going to have it somehow, and through what I think may be the biggest piece of fate ever I got it. I mean really, finding out that you’re inheriting the exact amount that the bank had just turned you down for on the same day? Meant to be.

Fate or not I adore this car already, though I keep nervously looking out to see if it’s really there, and really mine. But it is, and it’s not the bank’s, not a boyfriend’s, not a parent’s,  but mine, and I think that’s what I love the most.

** (From now on I’m just going to equate cost with iPhone prices, as in, “we pay two iPhones a month for rent”, or, “that dress cost me a half an iPhone”)

Insanity continues… October 22, 2009

Two days ago I wrote about how I had found my quasi-sensible dream car within a price range I could manage, and I was thrilled and off to go apply for a loan that day. Well…I didn’t get it. Because of everything that happened in the last year, banks have tightened up their credit limits so much that it’s extremely difficult for many to get a loan for $10,000 like I needed. At first I was heart-broken, but then, I was pissed.

Yes, I will fully admit that a few years back I had some issues with being tremendously broke and naive. I wasn’t making that much money and I didn’t check on my online bank statements because I rarely had access to a computer back then. So I went under in my account, exhorbantent fees were charged, bills were paid late… I was irresponsible, I’ll admit it. Since then however I’ve been working my ass off to save money, spend responsibly, pay off debts and credit cards, as well as old loans. So now that I’m able to pay tuition out of pocket and have no credit cards lingering, I have no credit, or not enough apparently. So because I thought I was being responsible by not having debt, my bank of over 4 years doesn’t want to give me money. So the way that the banking industry works is debt=good credit and trustworthy, no debt + money in savings = not financially reliable. The whole system is seriously damaged.

Defeated (i.e. hysterical), I call my boyfriend and then my mother to tell them my news. As I’m talking (yelling while crying) to my mom she says she’ll see what she can do and will call me back. I had no idea what she meant, but I certainly wasn’t about to let my parents give or lend me money. She calls back fairly shortly thereafter and tells me that my Grandfather, who passed away this Spring, left us an inheritance. Nothing had been officially opened with it yet as they were still undergoing legalities. However just a day or so before, my aunt had wanted to give her daughter, my cousin, her portion to pay for expensive hospital bills for her sick newborn. I’m thrown, I don’t want to get too excited until my mother tells me that I can have the car. No loans, no anything, with this money I can buy my car.

Right now my aunt is trying to fast track the cash, but there has to be a lot of signatures faxed back and forth before anything could even be deposited, so the likelihood of getting it all done by tomorrow when I’d planned on going up to see the car is slim at best. At this point I’m still not actually letting myself believe that this can actual happen, after all the massive ups and downs over just the past week. Until I’m driving away with that car, papers in hand, I won’t believe.

Dreams just may come true, if you can swing the payments October 20, 2009

The last few days I had officially decided that enough was enough with my old beater and I need to stop pushing off getting a new car and just do it already. This uncharacteristic motivation was mainly because my air-tight seal of hefty bag and double stick tape which currently resides in the place where a window used to be is shockingly not so air-tight. With all the freezing cold mornings as of late my car’s been filling with condensation and not fully getting rid of it making it a tad difficult to, you know, see .

So with that decision, and pressure from my always sensible boyfriend, I once again dove into car searches, only this time with actual results needed. Months ago I developed a crush, nay, a deep passionate lusting after a specific car: the Chrysler Crossfire. Since discovering this beauty, and realizing that I could actually afford it, I’ve been a woman obsessed. I look at other cars and just hate them, everything is so boring. The only other cars that still catch my eye are Audi TT’s, BMW’s, Mercedes, and even the random flashy Maserati’s and Lamborghini’s that you occasionally see on a Saturday night. So I think that my desiring a sports car made by Chrysler is pretty reasonable in comparison.

That’s not to say that it isn’t a fantastic car, since it’s made by Daimler-Chrysler it’s actually half Mercedes Benz under the hood. My point to all of this is that I think I may have found my next car, and I’m so sure about this that I’m driving 4 hours to meet the owner and possibly drive home with the car on Friday. I’ve already contacted the bank and should be hearing back anytime now and setting up a meeting with a loan officer after school today. I’ve already looked into and compared insurance rates and it shouldn’t actually be too bad in terms of cost.

But this car is amazing, it’s a ‘04, which is a little older than I wanted, but there are only 32,000 miles on it, so the age doesn’t really matter. The current owner has only used it as a summer car and always keeps it garaged and covered, no accidents, fully loaded, kept in pristine condition, and seriously beautiful. And it’s less than $13,000. I can’t even find an ugly car with the same mileage for that price. He also bought the full extended warranty so that will be transferrable over to me. At first I thought that this deal was too good to be true until I realized where the owner lived: near Detroit. He says that he’s selling because he barely uses it, but I can bet you that the current economic downfall of that city is largely helping me out. So hooray for crippling economic depression! I’ll keep you updated on this as the week unfolds, a lot will hinge on whether I can get a loan or not, because otherwise my dreams are quashed, and I’ll have to drive an ugly car like normal, realistic people *gross*.

Stay tuned kids…

Sample sale + me = supreme happiness October 17, 2009

Twice a year I get to revel in nothing but sheer glory as my boyfriend brings home an enormous box of fantastic goodness that is insanely cheap clothing from the Abercromie and Fitch sample sale. He works for the home office here in Columbus so every Spring and Fall he and hordes of other employees get up at the crack of dawn to scavenge through thousands of boxes of clothing.

Everything has either been tested on; so there be a weird little alteration or tiny slit in the back, or it’s just left over from the last season or so. If it has any sort of damage it is free, if not then it’s only $3. This also includes the items that designers have bought from high end boutiques from all over the world, which is needless to say, massively badass.

I’ve reveled in this glory five times now, but I think that this haul may have been my best. I paid a total of $90 and got 48 articles of clothing, their total retail value I place somewhere between $2,600 and $3,000. That’s right kids, I just got $3,000 worth of very good clothing for $90. I’d hate me too if I weren’t in this position, so don’t worry.

My favorite of the day is this amazing  Italian chocolate brown, lusciously soft cropped leather vest that we got for free because of some tiny alteration on it, the original selling price? $426.

Insane right? Whoever said that material possessions don’t buy happiness was out of their mind and had clearly never reaped the rewards of a sample sale.

Dealbreakers October 12, 2009

The other night John and I got into a argument polite discussion about what was apparently his big dealbreaker: children. Apparently he wouldn’t marry someone who wouldn’t have kids with him, as for those of who know me or read this, you know that I haven’t had the fondest thoughts on reproducing little devil spawns of my own. As a “traditional” woman I’m a work in progress I suppose.

 But apparently it’s very important to him, a dealbreaker he called it. When he told me this I couldn’t help but be terribly pissed off. Why do you need to have kids? What’s so wrong with the possibility of living a fabulous little life with travel, adventure, and our love for each other? Why do we have to throw someone else into the mix if it’s already good? It’s like when people have a threesome, someone always gets pushed out, and it’s never the new addition. To me I can’t see why I’m spending all this time going to school, and maybe a getting a Masters later, to stay at home for a decade or more “being a mom”, because I certainly wouldn’t want my kids to be raised my strangers or put neighbors and friends out constantly to take care of them. And what if I physically couldn’t get pregnant? Would that still be a dealbreaker? Because if so that’s the most selfish thing ever I think. I’m not “anti-kids” (entirely), but I’m unsure enough. I just don’t want to pigeon hole myself into a situation that may not nessecarily make either of us happy.

I don’t even have a dealbreaker, cheating on me I guess, but nothing else really. I suppose that children are most people’s dealbreakers, and I’m the odd man out here, but the whole thing seems rather callous. Would you really sacrifice a great thing for the possibility of children, but with someone who you wouldn’t be nearly as compatable or happy with?

Honestly though, the thing that really scared me about that whole discussion was that he had a twinge of  willingness to give up on me, and give me up if I was unwilling to do this one thing; the first that I’ve sensed from him since we started dating over 2 years ago. If we broke up it would very clearly be the most heartbreaking thing that I believe would ever happen to me, as I know that he is the absolute perfect man for me, he is my balance, but at what point to you set aside happiness to stick to yourself and your values, risking all else?