some people’s kids June 9, 2008

Yesterday I dodged a serious bullet and almost got out of working Scot-free, the only trade off was that I have to wait on a 15 person party on our side terrace because there was no where else to put them and then I could go home. It was a pretty sweet deal as it was OSU graduation yesterday and we were crazy packed with parties, so everyone else working was in their own sort of personal, frantic hell.

The party in question was great, but then because they were still so full inside they put a 7 person party out there too; 4 adults and three kids. I figured it was fine because it didn’t break my rule- if the children outnumber the adults then you know it’s going to be awful. (Editors note: I don’t like kids). But immediately these people are a bunch of assholes to me. They’re upset they’re outside, they’re upset that there’s another group out there. Apparently they didn’t happen to notice the mass of people waiting in the lobby that they immediately surpassed in order to get a table outside. But shockingly it wasn’t the adults in the group that were the worst to me, it was a disgusting, fat little girl who I estimate to be around 9 or 10. This girl, with her greasy hair, smudged glasses, and High School Musical T shirt, became the bane of my existence for the next hour.

When she first sits down she puts all of her weight on one side of the table thus knocking her knife and fork onto the ground. As she does this I am in the middle of talking and she interupts me loudly demanding that she needs a new set of silverware and that I need to crawl under the table to get them because she is  “too small” to fit under there. (WHAT?!?)  She continues on her road of annoyance then when I’m clearing off her salad plate she loudly, and angrily asks “Where’s my macaroni?!?”. I shoot a look at her parents who are doing nothing to stop their terrible child from being rude to a stranger. Then I screw on a smile and tell them it should be up shortly. Then the food comes out and this brat keeps loudly stating that she needs Parmesan cheese while I and the food runner both have full hands and are trying to figure out where everything goes because the entire family switched spots. The girl asks for cheese at least 5 more times in rapid succession. Two minutes later I come out to check on them and as the 15 person party is in the middle of getting up and exchanging hugs and goodbyes and at the same time the awful family is holding their dishes up and demanding that they want to sit at the tables that the other party was at because it was slightly more shaded. So we frantically clear off 15 people’s worth of glasses and what not and wipe it down while this family is becoming impatient. They’re actually becoming impatient and rude with us. In their switch a couple of them leave their water glasses on the old table and say that they need new water. I glance at the perfectly fine water on the other table and at the couple sitting without them then screw my smile back on and say “Oh, how many, two?”, then the dad counts everyone and says 7. THEY ALL HAVE WATER SITTING IN FRONT OF THEM! My head is close to exploding from the shear insanity of this situation. Am I on a reality show? Is there a hidden camera somewhere?  But I tell them that I can put more ice in the water pitcher because theirs was melting. They seem annoyed at the prospect of this, but we had NO clean glasses in the restaurant so rounding up 7 was not even a possibility. A few moments later, the situation calmed and the brat loudly states that she’s done and I need to remove her plate. Then she says she wants dessert and rudely demands that I bring her a dessert menu, once again, about 5 times in a rapid fire succession. Finally her terrible parents say something. Not about her being a terrible, disgusting person of course, but they say that she can’t have ice cream because she’s already had it twice that day and that she was getting fat.

Finally the end, I screw on that smile one last time and ask the parents if there’s anything that I can get for them. Then the little brat cuts in and once again loudly demands a box for her sister and the check. I have never wanted to strangle a child more in my life. It truly took everything in me to not condescendingly say “Shh sweetie, the adults are talking.” The dreadful experience over, and while I was thoroughly annoyed with this kid, I was even more annoyed at the parents. That’s like ‘How to raise a miserable excuse for a human being 101′. All I know is that because of these parents complete lack of discipline or teaching of manners that this child is doomed. One day someones not going to take all of her shit and stand up to her. And because she is rude, disgusting, unattractive, devoid of personality and really without without any redeeming social qualities she will end up alone, miserable and probably eating herself to death. As least I have that thought to comfort me.