Recently my boyfriend John got a second job three nights a week serving wealthy cougars at a new swanky wine loft that a friend of ours manages. As such, he is now living some of the absurd crazyness that I do, and is able to meet some very interesting (Read: Bat shit insane) people in his day to day.
Last week during a long night at work I am given a business card, ever so randomly, from a man who barely spoke a word and sat alone. The card was slipped in with the credit card receipt, very nonchalantly, as if it were completely normal. It might have been semi-normal, however, this was the card… 
He is apparently a licensed Rolfer, (yes, that’s a real occupation), and he essentially specializes in underwater segmental massage therapy. Whatever that means exactly. After receiving this I feel that I have hit the What The Fuck gold mine of bizzaro business cards and nothing can top this. However when I get home John tells me about a rather equally random table that also gave him their card…
DRAWINGS OF MOTHER FUCKING INFANTS! How am I ever supposed to top anything that absurdly crazy?
After being asked if I were a model (HAHA) I received a business card for teenfootfreaks.com
I’m not sure if I was more insulted by the fact he thought I would be good at foot-fucking, or that he thought I was a teenager.
John wins.
Hi Ginger,
Rolfing is actually a *real* profession. I’ve been in private practice now for 13 years. The card you show the picture of has the official Rolfing logo on it. If you read the card carefully the man who slipped you the card is a licensed massage therapist and a Certified Rolfer. (Certified and trained by the The Rolf Institute in Boulder, Colorado.) http://rolf.org
I can’t figure out the connection you make between Rolfing and “underwater segmental massage therapy.” Are you making this up?
Warmly,
Carole LaRochelle, CSI
Certified Advanced Rolfer™
Rolf™ Movement Practitioner